🧭 “𝗦𝗲𝘁𝘁𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗯𝗼𝘂𝗻𝗱𝗮𝗿𝗶𝗲𝘀 𝗶𝘀 𝗮 𝘃𝗶𝘁𝗮𝗹 𝘀𝘁𝗲𝗽 𝘁𝗼𝘄𝗮𝗿𝗱 𝗲𝗺𝗼𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻𝗮𝗹 𝘄𝗲𝗹𝗹-𝗯𝗲𝗶𝗻𝗴”. But if you live with 𝗹𝗼𝘄 𝘀𝗲𝗹𝗳-𝘄𝗼𝗿𝘁𝗵 or have experienced 𝗮𝗻𝘅𝗶𝗼𝘂𝘀 𝗼𝗿 𝗶𝗻𝘀𝗲𝗰𝘂𝗿𝗲 𝗮𝘁𝘁𝗮𝗰𝗵𝗺𝗲𝗻𝘁𝘀 in relationships, I suspect you might find this incredibly difficult. You may feel torn – caught between wanting to honour your own needs and the fear of upsetting others or damaging your relationships. You might know deep down what you want to say, but still find yourself saying yes when you mean no. You may push aside your own needs, just to keep the peace or avoid that uncomfortable look, tone, or silence from someone close to you. Also, to avoid the inevitable, uncomfortable feelings within you of guilt, etc. These feelings are normal because you are changing your way of relating to others. You’re not alone in this. Many people I work with say they’ve been on the receiving end of something that sounds like this—even if it’s never said aloud:”𝗜 𝘄𝗮𝗻𝘁 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝘁𝗼 𝗵𝗮𝘃𝗲 𝗯𝗼𝘂𝗻𝗱𝗮𝗿𝗶𝗲𝘀… 𝗮𝘀 𝗹𝗼𝗻𝗴 𝗮𝘀 𝘁𝗵𝗲𝘆 𝗱𝗼𝗻’𝘁 𝗮𝗳𝗳𝗲𝗰𝘁 𝗺𝗲.”💥 And that can leave you in an impossible position—where it feels like you’re only allowed to take care of yourself if it doesn’t inconvenience anyone else.But what’s the cost to you when your needs are constantly side-lined?

🧠 𝗧𝗵𝗲 𝗘𝗺𝗼𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻𝗮𝗹 𝗧𝗼𝗹𝗹 𝗼𝗳 𝗪𝗲𝗮𝗸 𝗕𝗼𝘂𝗻𝗱𝗮𝗿𝗶𝗲𝘀

If you’ve been ignoring your own limits for a long time, you may already be feeling some of the effects:

😤 𝗥𝗲𝘀𝗲𝗻𝘁𝗺𝗲𝗻𝘁 𝗮𝗻𝗱/𝗼𝗿 𝗙𝗿𝘂𝘀𝘁𝗿𝗮𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻 – You might notice yourself snapping, feeling irritated, or quietly holding back anger, even in relationships that matter to you.

🧯 𝗕𝘂𝗿𝗻𝗼𝘂𝘁 – You could be running on empty—emotionally, mentally, or physically—because you’re stretched too thin.

🩺 𝗣𝗵𝘆𝘀𝗶𝗰𝗮𝗹 𝗛𝗲𝗮𝗹𝘁𝗵 𝗜𝘀𝘀𝘂𝗲𝘀 – You might be feeling run down or unwell more often than you’d like. Chronic stress from always putting others first has been linked to things like anxiety, depression, heart issues, and poor immune function (Shields et al., 2017; Juster et al., 2010).

🧩 𝗪𝗵𝘆 𝗜𝘁 𝗙𝗲𝗲𝗹𝘀 𝗦𝗼 𝗛𝗮𝗿𝗱If your early experiences taught you that love, care, or approval only came when you were easy going, helpful, or didn’t make a fuss, then it makes sense that setting boundaries now feels uncomfortable—even risky. You may worry that saying “no” will lead to rejection. Or that people will see you as difficult, selfish, or unkind. And so you keep accommodating, even when it leaves you feeling small or resentful.

⚠️ But 𝗵𝗲𝗿𝗲’𝘀 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗰𝗮𝘁𝗰𝗵: when you’re constantly keeping the peace for others, it’s you who ends up paying the price. You may feel emotionally drained, invisible, or like you’re always the one giving while others take.

💡 Think of it like this—if you had a car and never filled the tank with fuel, you know what would happen: it would slow down, stutter, and eventually grind to a stop. You’re no different. You need space to refuel—emotionally and physically.

🛠️ 𝗛𝗼𝘄 𝗬𝗼𝘂 𝗖𝗮𝗻 𝗦𝘁𝗮𝗿𝘁 𝗦𝗲𝘁𝘁𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗛𝗲𝗮𝗹𝘁𝗵𝗶𝗲𝗿 𝗕𝗼𝘂𝗻𝗱𝗮𝗿𝗶𝗲𝘀 This isn’t about becoming rigid or unkind. It’s about starting to value your needs as much as you’ve always valued everyone else’s.

1. 🎯 𝗧𝘂𝗻𝗲 𝗶𝗻 𝘁𝗼 𝗛𝗼𝘄 𝗬𝗼𝘂 𝗙𝗲𝗲𝗹 If you’re feeling resentful, uncomfortable, or overstretched, that’s often a sign your boundaries are being crossed.

2. 🗣️ 𝗦𝘁𝗮𝗿𝘁 𝗦𝗺𝗮𝗹𝗹 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗦𝗽𝗲𝗮𝗸 𝗖𝗹𝗲𝗮𝗿𝗹𝘆 Try saying things like: “I need a bit of time to think before I decide ”OR“ Let me come back to you once I’ve had a chance to reflect.”

3. 💪 𝗘𝘅𝗽𝗲𝗰𝘁 𝗦𝗼𝗺𝗲 𝗗𝗶𝘀𝗰𝗼𝗺𝗳𝗼𝗿𝘁 You may feel guilty, or worry that someone will be upset. That’s normal when you’re learning something new.Think of it like breaking in a new pair of shoes—they might feel uncomfortable at first, but soon you realise how well they fit and how confidently you can walk in them.

4. 🤝 𝗚𝗲𝘁 𝗦𝘂𝗽𝗽𝗼𝗿𝘁 You don’t have to figure this out alone. Therapy can offer a supportive space where you can unpack these patterns and begin to practise new ways of relating—without guilt or shame.

🌱 𝗟𝗲𝘁’𝘀 𝗧𝗮𝗸𝗲 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗙𝗶𝗿𝘀𝘁 𝗦𝘁𝗲𝗽 𝗧𝗼𝗴𝗲𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗿 💬 If anything in this blog has struck a chord for you, and you’d like a safe space to explore it further, I offer a 𝗙𝗥𝗘𝗘 𝟮𝟬-𝗺𝗶𝗻𝘂𝘁𝗲 𝗭𝗼𝗼𝗺 𝗰𝗼𝗻𝘀𝘂𝗹𝘁𝗮𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻. There’s no pressure—just a conversation to help you decide what feels right for you.Ongoing sessions can be held either in person or online via Zoom, depending on what suits you best.